Grace isn't something we wait on. If you know the Lord, it's already there...a free, timeless gift from God!
My husband and I have experienced lots of waiting in our lives. We began dating in 1996. After waiting to finish school, we were finially married in 2001. We agreed to wait until we could "afford" children. Ha! I'm quite sure this never happens :) We officially began "trying" to have children in 2006. We never imagined what a wait this would be! My grandparents were taking us on a fabulous cruise in August of that year...all 22 of us together on a ship was the trip of a lifetime in every way you can imagine! I can remember thinking oh goodness will I still be able to go because surely I will be about 6 month pregnant by then. Little did I know that my journey God had perfectly planned would be long and tedious.
I remember a conversation with a sweet friend around our 10 year class reunion time...she has struggled with infertility for a while and was sure I needed to see a specialist or at least lose my "everything will be fine attitude" and take charge of the situation. But you see I was in complete denial that there was anything wrong on top of the fact I was scared because deep down, I knew things weren't right. It saddens me to say but at this point, God's will for my life never entered into any of my actions or our decisions. I now know how deeply that must have hurt him. I am somewhat embarrassed to say this but feel that it is so much part of everyday life. We only turn to God when we need him to do something for us. Faith is an area that both my husband and I have grown tremendously in but not without God's guidance.
For most of you who really know me, I can be somewhat of a control freak so Faith was something I knew I was "suppose" to have but it was so beyond my nature that I literally had inside battles of what I knew I needed to do versus what my brain wanted to do. I can look back now and laugh because no matter how much control I thought I had, I had NONE! So the story goes on...I took control(on my own without consultation with God) and eventually went to see a specialist, Dr. Vicki Schnell at Center of Reproductive Medicine (CORM). She and her staff are wonderful people! More details about our journey to come...
I once heard a speaker say that everyone is always waiting on something...waiting on an answer from God, waiting on a storm to pass, waiting on the next difficult time in life to come, or the inevitable wait between the trials of life. She gave us a beautiful prayer to help endure the wait. I hope it blesses you as much as it has me.
Be exalted oh God, above the highest heavens
May Your glory shine over all the earth.
(Ps 57:5)
My heart is confident in in You, O God, my heart is confident.
No wonder I sing your praises.
(Ps 57:7)
Listen to my prayer, Oh God. Pay attention to my plea.
(Ps 54:2)
You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me,
for You, O God, are my fortress.
(Ps 59:9)
I pour out my complaints before Him[You] and tell Him[You]
all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed
You alone know the way I should turn.
(Ps 142:2-3)
[I] pray to you O, Lord. I say "You are my place of refuge.
You are all I really want in life."
(Ps 142:5)
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in
your bottle. You have recoded each one in your book.
(Ps 56:8)
Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
(Ps 51:1b-2)
Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit with me.
(Ps 51:10)
restore to me the joy of my salvation and make me willing
to obey you.
(Ps 51:12)
So now I cal walk in your presence, O God, in
Your life-giving light.
(Ps 56:13)
